A Guideline to planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah party
When planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah (let’s shorten this and call it BM), I’m not going to sugar coat it, whether you’re going big or small, there’s a lot to do.
Often, when our clients call us, they are a bit stressed out and I totally get it. There are a lot of factors to consider and a lot of moving parts not to mention, these celebrations can add up. That said, that’s where you must start, is by setting a budget. I’m not promising you will stick to this budget but having one in mind is extremely helpful in planning, staying organized and choosing your vendors.
Now I’m not going to give you a timeline. People often worry about the “timeline” of the planning. Some people start three years in advance and some wait till size months before. Follow this check list and you’ll figure it out…here we go!
Ultimate resource:
For everything on the list below, I recommend this website and ultimate resource: Party Slate. They have done it all. All of the research, work and scouring that you are about to do and condensed it all into one website. Truly amazing with a plethora of recommendations for venues, vendors and inspiration photos.
Guest count:
This needs to be the first thing you do because it will play into everything to follow. Put pen to paper (I suggest on an excel doc) and make your list. IF you’re looking to keep the numbers down, make an A list and B list so you can think about it and price out the two sets of numbers or stick to immediate family and friends.
Theme and/or color palette:
Do you have one? Think about it….with your kiddo. This is the really really fun part for them. Brainstorm together, make notes, pull photos that you like and make an album to share with vendors to help bring your vision come to life.
Venue:
Pretty obvious one and of course the most important and there are so many different types to choose from:
Restaurant: often turn key, include furniture + tableware, food + bev, parking and more. You’ll need to ensure that they have the space for your guest count, dance floor if you plan to dance and enough staff for your guest count.
Raw space: A venue that is raw (meaning empty) is great if you have a specific vision in mind that you want to bring to life. This will involve bringing in all of the furniture, tableware, AV, sometimes a kitchen and more. It can be very costly.
Synagogue: Always a great option because they know what they are doing! They offer a full package and if you belong to a synagogue of meaning to you and/or your family then it’s pretty nice. Not all Synagogues are the “chicest” of color palettes and decor but that’s where people like ME come in!
Nightclub: From my experience, there are some nightclubs who rent their space out for BM’s and they are pretty awesome. There is one in particular in New York City where we direct all of our clients to look FIRST - called Slate. The design of this space is incredibly cool, there is a downstairs area perfect for cocktails and already filled with amazing games for the kids to play and a bowling alley! AND…there is a slide that you can go down to get there!! After an epic cocktail hour you go upstairs and enjoy dinner, dancing and a photo booth. It’s perfection.
Invitations:
Now a days, you don’t have to send out a printed invite though I’ll tell you, I STILL have a shoebox with EVERY single invite i got from my BM days and it’s quite the memory to have held on to! If you’re looking to cut a cost though, this is a perfect place. Send an online invite! It’s perfectly acceptable. Either way, you’ll need to send an invite.
If you’re sending a save the date to ensure people hold the date or book travel if needed, I suggest doing that as soon as you have the date booked. For the Mitzvah itself, you can send the invite anywhere from 8-12 weeks before.
Planners:
This is an important hire because this person will guide you through the entire process of the party from finding the right vendors, laying out the venue floor plan, contracts and negotiations, etc. etc.
Now some of the venues you look into, may already have a planner that comes with your package - so make sure you ask when you’re in the “venue” stage.
Catering:
Your venue may have catering included already in which case, GREAT. One less vendor to source. If it doesn’t, this is your next step in booking.
Everyone will have different priorities when planning this event. For me and my family, food + beverages are very important. We love to eat and drink so this was an area we put a lot of research, thought and passion into. What sold me when looking for a catering company was the presentation and creativity in the menu that I received. I screamed. We went for our tasting and fell in love with the chef, the food and the fun. So what I’m saying is, when the right caterer comes along, you’ll know!
From here on out in the list, you’ll have to understand that the budget will build so don’t feel the pressure to proceed with it all. You know your budget, you choose.
Do not forget the most important part - the CHALLAH. My friend Debbie baked this “G” for Gavin and our family with so much love - we’ll never forget it.
Production + Decor:
This is a team that you bring on to create a unique and memorable party via your theme or color palette. This team will dream up creative ideas, help map out your floor plan, choose funky rentals and custom design the venue that you have chosen. They will also create a logo and swag that your guests will love. This…is what we do at REV NY. We have tons of inspiration on our website but have rounded up a few so you get the idea of what this category means.
DJ’s, MC’s, Dancers, Games + Photobooth:
Above, I spoke about priorities and I said that for me, it was food and bev. And that is true. My second biggest priority at any party I host is: MUSIC. A good DJ or Band is so so so important. You want your guests to enjoy, dance and have fun! That’s the whole point of a party.
For BM’s, you’re guests are mainly 13 years old and for this age, you need some help on the dance floor. BM entertainment companies will offer you packages. If it’s in your budget, i suggest that you book the music, an MC, dancers and a few games. The kids will play the games at cocktail hour and then the MC will lead the party for speeches, the hora and dancing while the professional BM dancers will hype up the kids to get them engaged in the dance floor. This team can be worth it’s weight in gold if they are good. To source the best in this category you’ll want to get a referral or read the reviews you find online.
Photographer:
In the list of priorities, this is another big one for me because as I tell every client who asks me if they should hire a photographer for their event, the photos are the only thing you are left with when that party is over…and boy does it ever go by FAST. The photos are the memories that you can hire someone to take for you so that you can be fully present at your party. The photos become holiday cards, cherished prints to make albums with and frame and to gift to family members. Trust me when I tell you, you will not regret having a photographer.
Montages:
Ok so for this category, I’m not going to try and convince you because this happens to be a lot of work. So you, your family and most importantly your kiddo, has to really want it. A montage is a video collection that you create or hire someone to edit together for you of photos, video footage, whatever you want. It’s basically a highlight reel of your kid’s life.
For Gavin’s I not only had a montage created but I worked with one of my most talented team members who absolutely knocked it out of the park. We modeled the video after TSN a sports network that I used to love watching in Toronto. Gavin loves sports and so we set up the show as if it was a highlight reel of his life and Luke was the host. It was truly incredible. We ran the video towards the end of the party and everyone laughed, cried and applauded with joy for seeing their inclusion in the video.
Now I just listed the big stuff. There is lots more to do but it will be of personal taste (outfits, hair, make up) and your planner or venue will guide you (personalized kipot for the service, take home favors, etc).
So once you get through the list above, you’ve conconqured the tough stuff and it’s time to HAVE FUN And be proud. As a mother who has now bar mitzvah’d one out of two boys I can tell you: Carry some tissues because you’ll be bursting with pride.